How to build relationships with parents

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uNeatly! Do not drop a glass of water, it will break! To whom not to read further: to the yardmaster, mama sons, papa’s wanderers, and personalities surrounded and filled with unhealthy love of family. Who to read: sensible people.

Nobody asked you and me whether we want to be born. But what’s done is done, and here is a fact to you right away: you owe nothing to anyone. Neither potatoes in the country, nor water procedures, nor continue the family business of growing bay leaves. You are your own person and free to choose how to live. To disrespect it has nothing to do.

“We all gave you, and you …”

And you said thank you for the fact that they are not deprived of parental rights? To give your child the minimum necessary education, food, clothing, shelter and the education required for social adaptation is the duty of the parent. It’s a duty, because having a baby isn’t buying a new kettle, there’s a lot of legal tools. For the most part, the child is the business card of the parents, which is why they scold you, but also provide for them. Yes, they love you and wish you all the best, but if you have not been given even a minimum, then this article will definitely not be useful to you.

As long as you do not let your parents understand that you are an adult and independent person and that you can live without their help, there is always the risk of becoming their bitch: drive around the city and region for sending from Aliexpress, plant cucumbers and tomatoes all day long, work as a driver for all occasions. Even the illusion of freedom of choice will be taken away from you, and one day you will wake up on beautiful bedclothes with flowers in a room with soft cream wallpapers. And to prove their independence can only be one way – to live without their help at least a year. And not in the closet, but separately, paying for everything yourself. Of course, financial support for a family is not bad never, but are you sure that in a few years you will not have to pay good relations?

Set boundaries

Is there something in your life that you don’t have access even for your close ones? Never let your relatives in there! Family councils are always accurate, there are always a lot of them, and most importantly, they are not worth anything: they will make mistakes – do not worry, everything is yours. It may even come to the point that at a family dinner they will begin to insult your girlfriend. But you will not hit your father – this is completely insane. Without borders there is no way – you have to be tough and voice all your principles out loud. Tears of the mother are terrible in the “boy’s” public. We are modern people and we understand that it is impossible to break a mother’s heart with different tastes in women. And do not be naive: all women know what a convenient tool – tears.

Father is always right

When he is really right. His opinion cannot be absolutely true in everything. Already in your adolescence, you have repeatedly tried to challenge his rightness, and this is normal: you studied (and still continue) to analyze. You doubt everything and form your point of view – this is right and normal, as it should be. Do not be afraid to disagree. Believe me, your father was exactly the same as you, even if there is no salt wound on his bottom.

To live only on someone else’s experience is impossible. You are not a greenhouse plant – you are an adult and sensible man, in front of whom thousands of roads are open.

Learn to say no to him. You are not someone’s property and not cheap labor – you are a person and a person, and you can be friends with your father. And you can not be friends – there is nothing wrong with that. Help in old age is nothing to do with communication in youth. Of course, good relations are an ideal situation, try to work on them yourself. But when there are no options, cut through the living. No other way.

Grandparents, relatives from far away and coming

Everyone always loves the granny: she is elderly, quarrelsome, does not hesitate in expressions, brings sweets and lets you do whatever you want. But it is only in childhood. With age, granny can develop paranoia and dependence on attention, and here you are the first victim. Think about whether the requests are adequate for the grannies, and does she not hint at a full-hearted voice of complete insanity? Analyze, think. God’s dandelion is a rarity. With grandpa, the situation is about the same.

When you hear about a distant relative who goes to your city to arrive, hang up the phone.

Distant relatives are a trap with a thousand-year experience. If you live in a megacity, then you are their victim. And if you also live alone, then not only your living space, but also innocence is in danger. Do not be naive: no one cares about your relationship as long as you can buy condoms and contraceptives without a prescription.

Know the value of your opinion

After 18 years, your opinion has weight, whatever it may be. They listen to you, because you can already do everything yourself and be independent. This does not mean that you no longer need parents, but it means that you can handle it yourself, should such a need arise. Yes, it will not be easy, and you will have to prove everything around you more than once, and not two, and not even a hundred, that you must be considered. But start small – stop unquestioningly obey all your shoelaces. You already have the right to stuff your bumps – so go ahead. Your airbag in the form of mom and dad will save you from irreparable.

The more shit you have gotten through, the more valuable your opinion is. And it can be seen with the naked eye, and it will be appreciated. Accumulate your baggage, learn to compromise and do not sacrifice yourself for the sake of requests, and then you will never become someone’s bitch.

Show interest in family life

If you live separately, call home at least once a week. When you are interested in life, you find yourself in a position of power. So you want and you can help, which means you are not at all in the position of addict. Offer help if it does not violate your plans, keep warm relations, but keep your personal boundaries – keep the distance personal and family. Do not let them go beyond what you can donate.

Do not try to teach them to live

This is a kind of struggle: you seem to teach them to your wits, but in the end you are a bitch. And it is time to accept that no one needs free education. They are adults and they themselves know what to do. Advice by advice, but when your arguments are exhausted, either accept it or offer help. Insults and insults are a sure sign of immaturity. And this will give them the opportunity to blame you for all mortal sins, and however, they will not sin against the truth: male hysteria will always be bitches, just the hostess (or owner) will be younger than in the title of the material.

And if you really really want to convince them, then find your allies: this battle does not win alone.

Be able to take responsibility

This is already the next level of maturity. When you admit that you are right, and you also correct the broken, honor and praise to you. Believe me, this will impress your family. With each such situation, you gain weight – both self-confidence and respect in the eyes of the father and the pride of the mother. Do not blame your own failures on anyone but yourself, especially your family. Otherwise, you risk becoming emotionally dependent on the inexhaustible source of all ills. The most convenient excuse, completely killing independence. And when the time comes to testing in a big and scary world, it’s not a fact that you will not break.

Child resentment persists for life. But parental control is even longer: even your potential children will be in danger. Until you learn to say “no” and take responsibility for yourself, solve problems alone and do not run to your mother, if life suddenly strikes you, you will be a bitch. And then – more: bitch chef, wife, friend-asshole, neighbor, traffic cop … The list is endless. Start small: show your family that you are self-sufficient and independent. Gain the weight of your opinion, so that it was simply impossible to lift and throw it in the trash.

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