How not to allow mistakes to make you a loser

Whenever you fail in something, you see it not as a one-time event, but as a broad proof of your inability to ever succeed in this matter (and maybe in other matters). As a result, because of one failure, you can abandon further attempts and impose a false “loser” label on yourself or simply consider “undisciplined”, “lazy”, “stupid”, “indecisive”, etc.

But the problem is that these labels eventually become self-fulfilling prophecies. Psychologist Alan Garner in one of his books describes this process as a cycle: you call yourself a loser → you take it for truth without trying to change anything → this guarantees no result → you are a loser. The same cycle can be applied to other negative characteristics, for example, “undisciplined”.

Of course, these labels are quite irrational. The fact that you failed in the past does not guarantee the absence of success in the future. And the fact that you made a bad choice earlier does not mean that you cannot do the right thing in principle.

Suppose you can not meet with attractive strangers. When you think of approaching a pretty girl, you become very nervous and eventually decide to leave. After that, you consistently call yourself “shy” and give yourself reason to think that this also applies to other aspects of life. But are you really shy about everything? It is possible that you do not have any problems when talking with friends, service personnel or customers. But despite the fact that you showed shyness in only one case, this label applies to you in other areas of life. Most meaningless, as Garner notes, is to label your 100% image based on behavior with 5% of people.

Garner’s second tip is to accept the error as part of the process. One failure, or even a few, does not guarantee that you will never achieve your goal. Her achievement almost always requires failure at the initial stage, and sometimes in the middle of the way. This has long been turned into a motivational cliché encouraging perseverance. He was often referred to by many eminent athletes, scientists or writers who told them what difficulties they had to face before they were successful. Jack London was denied publication 50 times until finally his first work was published in one of the magazines.

The main question is not that you have to be the best in everything, but how important the attempt is. If the development of behavioral habits (regular training, cessation of smoking, curbing violent temper) is possible for everyone, then the achievement of certain professional, creative, sports heights is not. Even after many attempts and tremendous efforts, you may simply not have the talent that is needed in these matters. But before you come to this conclusion and “throw a white towel,” you need to exert maximum effort to achieve the desired goal. Because it may be the opposite situation, when the cause of failure is not the lack of talent, but the unwillingness to show perseverance.