The term “social intelligence” was introduced in 1920 by the American psychologist Edward Lee Thorndike and described the ability to correctly understand people for successful interaction with them. Another psychologist from the States, the author of the theory of personality traits, Gordon Allport, considered this type of intelligence to be able to instantly read people and predict the likely behavioral responses.
In 1990, Peter Sloway and John Mayer coined the term emotional intelligence (El), which meant a person’s ability to identify, create, and manage emotions for emotional and intellectual growth.
The ability to objectively perceive the environment and interact with it, as well as to modernize it, is the main indicator of a high level of social intelligence (El). The most interesting thing is that many psychologists come to believe that the level of social intelligence is not related to the level of “general” intelligence. Suffice it to recall Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, which had a very impressive IQ (187), but very low El.
Roughly speaking, you can have an arbitrarily high intellect, but if you are “socially blind,” your life will not become easier. After all, it is not enough just to be smart – you need to be able to adapt to the surrounding realities.
Now that we have understood what social intelligence is and why it is needed, let us tell you how to develop it.
Learn to manage your emotions.
Emotions can be a trump card, and they can be a big problem. It is important to understand where this or that emotion originates and how it is caused. If someone from the people around you makes you feel unpleasant, angry or annoying, do not rush to throw out all your bile on it. First, take a deep breath, try to understand the nature of your feelings and analyze them. When you figure out the reasons, it will be much easier to find a solution to the problem.
You can learn a lot from poker players or traders in stock markets, because there is peace of mind and the ability to control yourself greatly increases the likelihood of a bargain. Well, as an addition: such traits as calmness and calmness make you more attractive in the eyes of the opposite sex.
Learn to “read” people
Our body can provide us with an impressive amount of information that we can hide. Another great information klondike is our face. Mimicry is a huge source of information about a person, since its “language” originated much earlier than verbal communication. Many scientists agree that reading skills in the face lie in our genetic memory more deeply than linguistic “superstructures”, which makes them more informative and universal. Learning to understand body language can be helped by books such as Body Language by Alan Pisa, Body Language for Leaders by Goman Kinsey, I See What You Think About, written by former FBI officer Joe Navarro, and the well-known Psychology of Lying Paula Ekman.
Try, being in a crowded place, to observe others. Pay attention to all the details: what does the person do, why does he do it, what is he thinking about at this moment. It is much more interesting and exciting than surfing “Vkontakte” or sticking in some mobile game. Learn to understand people and their decisions – various feature films and books on social or interpersonal themes that contain a large palette of emotions can also help you.
Adjust to your surroundings
As Shakespeare once rightly observed, “the whole world is a theater, and the people are actors”. One of the important skills of social intelligence is the ability to adapt, to competently play a certain role in the appropriate situation. You can be rude and tough, but if you need to console your girlfriend or mother, you will have to become soft and sensitive. Try to be flexible in any situation. This means that one should not perceive the world unequivocally. In different situations there can be a variety of solutions and options – learn to see them all and adjust to the current circumstances, your probable losses and gains.
Learn to listen to people.
Let’s be honest: for most people, the process of dialogue is valuable because it is an opportunity to tell the interlocutor yourself. We like the sound of our voice, our reasoning, and as a result we hardly hear the other person, which, of course, does not go without his attention. For successful communication it is necessary to learn not to be distracted by any stimuli, but to be fully present in the conversation. If you practice total immersion in dialogue, try to look at the world through the eyes of your interlocutor, you will begin to notice how your relationship is changing for the better and the level of your empathy is increasing – a defining ability in the development of social intelligence.
Work on public speaking
To be able to speak beautifully and express your thoughts correctly is to have attention. Speaking in public for many of us seems like a terrible idea, but, believe me, the information you can learn from this experience is invaluable. However, in order for your appeal to be successful, you need to fully adjust to the mood of the public and its features, and it is rather difficult to do this. There are many books, courses and trainings in oratory. To begin with, we advise you to familiarize yourself with the “Kama Sutra for the Speaker” by Radislav Gandapas, as well as with his lectures on the topic of public speaking: he really has something to learn. In the beginning, it will not be easy, especially if you are not particularly sociable, but here it is important to overcome your fears by force. Begin to practice speaking with the company of your friends or relatives,
Play social games
Mafia, poker, monopoly and other “social games” perfectly pump the skills of reading other people’s emotions, hiding their own, defining lies. In addition, if the game is played in a relaxed atmosphere and a friendly atmosphere, you will also have a good time.
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